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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27730057">Mami's Lonely but in a Toxic Way</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/GarnetsAndRoses/pseuds/GarnetsAndRoses'>GarnetsAndRoses</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Magia Record: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story, Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Awkward Dates, Crushes, F/F, Jealousy, Obsession, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:01:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,400</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27730057</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/GarnetsAndRoses/pseuds/GarnetsAndRoses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
      <p>entry for the Magia Record Fan Archive's latest writing contest! the theme was a magia record character and their feelings of jealousy or self-hatred. i chose mami and jealousy (but with a dash of the other)! ofc this is centered around characters not original to magireco but i also threw in rika and ren, so ??? this isn't very good but it's done and i kind of like it :)</p>
    </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akemi Homura &amp; Tomoe Mami, Akemi Homura/Kaname Madoka, Ayano Rika/Isuzu Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Mami's Lonely but in a Toxic Way</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>entry for the Magia Record Fan Archive's latest writing contest! the theme was a magia record character and their feelings of jealousy or self-hatred. i chose mami and jealousy (but with a dash of the other)! ofc this is centered around characters not original to magireco but i also threw in rika and ren, so ??? this isn't very good but it's done and i kind of like it :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Madoka was draped across the plush couch, her head resting on Homura’s lap. The two girls’ breath matched as they rested together. Mami knelt across the room at her glass table, sipping her tea while watching the sleeping girls. She narrowed her eyes at the blissful sigh Homura made in her sleep and turned away from her juniors. The blonde girl got up to bustle around her kitchen and purposefully set her teacup down too hard to let the noise ring through the apartment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-ah!” gasped Madoka, eyes snapping open. Homura jerked awake and frantically scanned the room before focusing on Mami, who smiled at the black-haired girl.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mami announced, “I’m so sorry for waking you! I know studying must have been tiring. But girls, don’t you think that we should start getting ready to catch the noon train?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yawning and raising her arms, Madoka sat up. “That’s a good idea. Come on, Homura.” The two stood up, giggling a bit as Homura stumbled and caught herself on Madoka’s shoulder. Mami feigned looking into her handbag, gritting her teeth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The train screeched to a halt, and the three girls jolted in their plush seats. The crowd began to stream out of the doors into Kamihama’s vast, metallic train station. Madoka seized her backpack from the ground and Mami was quick to follow her, out of the train. It was crowded, but Mami just had to follow the pink sweater that highlighted the teen’s hips, the immaculately tied ribbons framing her sweet face, the-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her thoughts were cut off as Homura called, “Wait a sec!” She ran up behind Madoka, who turned and started babbling on about how sorry she was for forgetting Homura. The two matched disgustingly well, with their sweaters in their respective hair colors and the tall lacy socks that Mami had gifted them for Christmas, but really only meant for Madoka to wear.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe we shouldn’t have invited her, </span>
  </em>
  <span>pondered Mami. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She’s just holding us back.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rika and Ren will be waiting for us,” piped Madoka. “They even booked a table for us at Walnuts!” She took a hold of Homura’s hand, and they wove through the rush of people together as their third companion trailed them with a bitter expression hidden behind sudden interest in a brochure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rika swirled the straw in her plastic cup of boba tea with a finger before slyly commenting, “You dressed up well today, Homuhomu! Did you want to match with Madoka?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh . . . um, yes? She thought we’d be cute together. Did it wor-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mami interrupted by asking, “Ren, what tea do you recommend?” She twirled a silky lock of hair around her finger before looking to her left at Homura, whose eyes were suddenly downturned. “I’m so sorry, Homura, did I talk over you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you didn’t at all. . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Opposite of Mami and pressed close to Rika, Ren cleared her throat and rapidly flipped through the menu. “Well, Rika once showed me this kiwi tea with aiyu jelly, I l- like that one! Rika is much better at choosing teas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh come on, Ren. Like, I just try a lot because I love Walnuts’s boba!” Rika beamed and punctuated her sentence by sipping her tea before adding, “But yeah, the kiwi tea is totes great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mami nodded and typed her order into the table’s tablet, then passed it to Madoka. The blonde relished finally being able to feel Madoka’s soft touch as their fingers brushed together, even if it was just for a moment before Madoka began recounting some story of her study date with Homura.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rika and Ren nodded along, and the grey-haired girl bashfully protested as Rika joined in and started telling the story of their first sleepover. Mami is gripped with the urge to remind Madoka of their previous times together, from their long visits to the mall or the times they’d fallen asleep on Mami’s bed with open trigonometry textbooks acting as pillows. But she keeps her mouth shut and when her boba arrives, she gnaws on the straw hard enough for her teeth to click together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homura’s eyes gleamed with laughter and she once again set her head on Madoka’s shoulder. Ren softly spoke up to admit that she had been looking at Rika the whole time they were in the library studying, and Madoka laughed and looked at Homura in a way that made Mami’s chest whirl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Snapping her posture into perfection, Mami politely requested, “Can you please move? I need to go to the restroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madoka and Homura quickly comply and let Mami scoot past, and the blonde was glad to push the two away from each other as she rushed to the back of the restaurant. Her heels clicked across the tile floor as she made her way into the mirror-filled restroom. She stared into the nearest mirror, eyes roving across the reflection’s pained expression and trembling body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mami couldn’t understand it. Running a hand through her soft bangs and adjusting the golden necklace peeking from her white turtleneck, she attempted to steady her breathing. It needed to be perfect, to make up for whatever forced Madoka’s eyes towards Homura. There must be </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> wrong with her. Right? Her eyes squeezed shut as she contemplated it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Madoka must not like how I woke her up earlier, right? Or is she upset from when we went to the library and I forgot to save the window seat . . .</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>A tiny cry shriveled up in her throat. No, Mami would have to settle for being the third wheel. She could force down that bit of her that longed to be the one holding Madoka’s hand and pressed against her on train rides, or across the table from her with textbooks being pushed away as they leaned closer and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dizzying swirl of thoughts of black hair and glasses was broken as a chirpy voice called, “Hey, Mams! Watcha doin’ in here?” Rika stepped into the restroom and grinned, her hand digging through her pink tote bag. The shorter girl made her way to the next mirror over and began reapplying her lip gloss. After popping her lips, Rika asked, “Were you getting sick of our relationship talk? We might’ve gone an itty-bitty bit overboard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no, it was fine,” Mami replied. She swallowed, cursing her dry throat. “In fact I was . . . just thinking of the person I was planning on asking out.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no, why did I say that?</span>
  </em>
  <span> wailed the voice inside her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rika dropped lip gloss into her bag and clapped a little bit, rocking onto her heels. “Ooh, Mams has got a crush! Do you need any adviiiice?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The older girl knew her face was flushed. She admitted, “Maybe. I haven’t figured out whether or not they’re in a relationship already.” Mami wondered how Rika kept her grin and energetic nodding as if the younger girl hadn’t been observant enough to watch Mami’s eyes find their way to Madoka’s face for the entirety of the lunch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rika made yet another humming noise of approval and said, “I’m glad you’re being cautious, but maybe you can be more confident!” She nudged Mami’s arm and added, “I know anybody would love to be with you, so, like, why not go ahead and ask?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Rika,” answered Mami. She rubbed the back of her neck and proposed, “Let’s head back so they don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two trotted out of the bathroom and back to the table. Mami resisted gritting her teeth as Madoka took her hand off of Homura’s as they got up to let Mami sit down. But the conversation was painless, and Ren’s soft explanations of her latest art kept Mami’s mind filled with talk of pencils and flowers until the group had finished their drinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Splayed across her couch, shielding her eyes from the rays of sun that cast themselves across the apartment and let blinding spots bounce off of the furniture, Mami sighed. She limply moved her arms to rest on her chest and let them rise rhythmically. But her thoughts were unstoppable and disrupted the quiet. Mami cursed under her breath and shook her head. Those longing whispers and bitter declarations wouldn’t leave her mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she pondered, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rika did say it was okay. Madoka would love to be with me, right?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Homura wouldn’t be the only one occupying the pink-haired girl’s heart. Mami would make sure of that . . .</span>
</p>
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